So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
