shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
