booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
