new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
