God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
