I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
