Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
