I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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