my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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