he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
