I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
