It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
