I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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