The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
