at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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