and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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