did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
