She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Randomize
