A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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