I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
