did you get engaged???
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
