There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
