On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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