Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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