First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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