I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize