Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
