pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
