it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize