if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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