no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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