Pappa wants mamma naked
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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