No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
