She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
