You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
