I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
