I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize