come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
