Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize