ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
