I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have so many feelings about this burrito
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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