Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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