Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
