420 ftw
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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