Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
