R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Randomize
