her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize