1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
