hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
