And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
