wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
