i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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