What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
