I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
