Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
