Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize