She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
