i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't turn off my feet"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
