Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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