Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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