honey bunches of taint.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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