We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
