It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
