she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
