You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
