I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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