And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize