put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
