Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
