I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Randomize
